Some of us were born of a generation soaked in criticism. It was supposed to be good for us to be told off and presented with our failings on a regular basis. I was in the habit of losing things and can remember sleepless nights worrying about when the loss of my jacket would be discovered. Strangely, there was no spanking, I lived in fear of the harsh words.
So it has been a great relief to grow up and begin to realise that people are different and that things which may have been once subject to criticism may even be strengths. My father, who did beautiful carpentry and rather less beautiful marquetry as a hobby, believed in doing things properly. And clearly they were things that needed his properly to succeed. I then managed to live with a properly person, so this got well locked in. It meant failure for me. I am not a properly person.
And when we came to be making the Veddw Charles and I used to collide over this one. He liked tidy and my garden making was anything but – I had two acres to somehow turn from a field into a garden. It was a long time before it even looked half good. We had horrendous rows when he complained about the mess and I felt useless and we both despaired. Though the resolution of the yelling used to lead to essential problem solving. Which was how we got the thing done(ish).
This past couple of weeks we have been doing what we might regard as less critical work, because it’s mostly for our benefit rather than our visitors. The potting shed has been cleared and tidied and I have moved the potting activity from there to the greenhouse. (What will we call it now?) And Jeff has paved the nursery, so that I can walk round now without sliding precariously around on muddy weediness.
Jeff was a bit fed up about it because the nature of the way we were asking him to do it meant it wasn’t being done properly. Jeff works hard and fast and – properly. I had made the nursery originally and it really was very unproper as a result. But it worked, and I sowed the seeds and grew the cuttings there which made much of the garden. And the wooden construction also rotted – and was lethally muddy at times.
And so this last week I was thinking. Here is Charles, tidying up in a way which is quite transforming. And being very kind not to complain about how much of the mess he was clearing was a result of my inclination to hoard things. I do less seed sowing and cuttings now, so there was a real clear out of my mess. But – my mess had worked when it needed to (hoarding pays when you suddenly and unexpectedly need 50 flower pots all the same size) and Charles is a great clearer upper. (And quite into properly, if the truth be told. It’s why he’s a good photographer. ) So – different and complementary strengths, I think. And that has applied in many other aspects of making the garden and subsequently opening it. I can’t cope with the finance issues, Charles is the tax wizard. He takes professional pictures of the garden (and other gardens) which are very useful for our publicity. I do the media stuff like this and the bookings and admin stuff. Jeff does the hedges, a critical aspect of the garden, properly, to universal acclaim.
So it’s good to learn that our weaknesses can actually be strengths. And that differences work well together. I expect you all knew this, but I still seem to be rediscovering it and feeling relieved.
Anne.
Thank you for these generous observations, Anne, in this time when many of us are living cheek and jowl with our dearest ones, and wondering how we will survive it.
It could be quite a challenge, Carla! Xx
Thanks for yours’ made me feel more relaxed about my relaxed ways of gardening, like leaving all non essential leaf raking till now. I’m off out into the sunshine for my leafe raking exercise
Weather’s getting drier – most leaves that the worms haven’t added to the soil may now blow away on to the beds for thus useful purpose. But exercise they tell us, is always good for us!.
You know how to shatter my illusions! A certain garden gnome has always led me to believe that Charles was the hedge wizard. Oh well.
Really???? That’s extraordinary. He does do some but Jeff is the Hedge Star!
I certainly identify with “not” doing things properly. It’s haunted me all my life. But, after all these many years, I can’t say it’s mattered much. I’ve never been happier (though there’s plenty to weep about if one chooses to linger on it).
Always stuff available to weep about. But much joy in the results of improper too! Xxx
Here on California’s Central Coast the last frost date is coming up (mid-April). Mr. Get-It-Done and Mrs. Do-It-Right are mulling over their individual agendas, eyeing vacant spots in the garden and the inventory of early starts in the greenhouse. They will start negotiating as soon as the rain stops and the ground dries out. It is an annual ritual, similar to that of deciding how to carve the turkey at Thanksgiving. It is a process, more often that not with a good result.
Begins to seem as if this is an essential garden partnership!
It is incredibly important to see the struggles of others in building a garden. We’re all there, have been there, and have felt/feel that despair occasionally – even if we have no desire to open the garden to the public. I remember a friend coming to my place six years ago when we had just moved and saying “You must be under a great deal of pressure to create something amazing.” My reply – “Well, not ’till this moment – I hadn’t thought about it that way thank you very much!
Terrific to see your before photos – keep them coming! – Marianne